


solus

by onthighsbelongtotaemin



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Photographs, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 17:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10167782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthighsbelongtotaemin/pseuds/onthighsbelongtotaemin
Summary: "the first time it happened it was in a picture he took of himself with taemin.  the photograph of the two of them startled him in a way that no one else seemed to experience so he took another one just in case.  the results were the same."





	

**Author's Note:**

> for the jongkeysquadfics challenge on tumblr.

the first time it happened it was in a picture he took of himself with taemin.  the photograph of the two of them startled him in a way that no one else seemed to experience so he took another one just in case.  the results were the same.

from then on he tried to take as many photographs with taemin as he could until he discovered that if jinki was in the picture the image was even clearer.  & jinki was good company too, delighting in the same silly theme parks, tourist traps, & sidewalk food carts that he did himself.  if they were different men they could have fallen in love but their hearts already belonged to others & kibum just smiled fondly at the way taemin’s eyes drifted to his friend & the way jinki’s smile shone a bit brighter when he laughed at one of taemin’s terrible jokes.

with minho it happened too but it was also different.  the image was softer but still clear, akin to a hug one could still feel though the arms that held them had long since faded.  it was nice & he liked it & he liked the way minho felt standing beside him & smiling goofily at his camera.

sometimes he let him kiss him.  sometimes he kissed him first.

when kibum went to italy he told no one & was climbing into a cab leaving the airport before the first “where are you?” text made his phone vibrate.  a winky emoji was sent to the three, a code for “i need to be alone for a while” that meant that he would be left in peace until he contacted them first.  the driver was friendly with surprisingly good english & kibum tipped her heavily for her quick delivery.

an ornate hotel stood before him & he took in a deep breath, his first real breath of italian air.  the occasion was marked by a photograph taken by himself beside the door, a smile more genuine than had graced his face for a while now resting on his lips & brightening his eyes.

checking in was complicated but easy, hotels so familiar to his way of life that there was every possibility that the language of the staff running the front desk would not be a barrier.  in this instance the dominance of english as a lingua franca meant that their lack of a mutual native language would not keep them from engaging in commerce, though their accents meant a lot of clarifications.

soft sheets & a clean breeze were the highlights of the room, a crisp view of the mediterranean sea & a late afternoon sun shining in through the clear glass door on his balcony.  another picture snapped with the scenery behind him, a series taken on the bed, & their traditional pose in the shower.

the rest of the day & well into the evening was spent walking through town & taking pictures of himself beside things he found interesting, things they would have both loved.  elderly couples were chosen at random to take photographs of him posed beside statues, pictures he couldn’t take himself.

they saw the ring on his finger & the look in his eye & patted his cheek with soft hands as they murmured kind words in broken english.

against his nature, he sat on the beach while the sun set, capturing both himself & the rainbow of light giving way to the midnight blue of dusk.  when it was too dark he sat a little longer, listening to the waves & hoping that he wouldn’t be murdered beneath the moon.  the walk back to the hotel was uneventful & his fists were tucked into his pockets as he waited for the elevator.

back inside, he took a quick shower & laid down on the bed, staring at the wall & hoping.  the trip would have been taken anyway & there was no reason to think it wouldn’t work away from home.  a little bit of doubt nibbled at his thoughts & kept him from scrolling through the pictures he’d taken that day.  an hour passed & then two & then the rumbling of his stomach dragged him out of his ruminations & gave him the distraction of ordering room service to keep his thoughts from his pictures.

only half the meal was eaten when he picked up his phone, pausing for a few more seconds of uncertainty before finally looking at the images saved there.  a chuckle & the sudden blur of tears were his body’s reaction, his mind slow to respond with a softly murmured “hi” at what he saw. 

jonghyun's smile beamed in every picture, sometimes looking straight at kibum in the way that had always made him feel like he was every beautiful thing jonghyun said he was.  in a few of them his lips were pursed near kibum’s cheek, & in at least six he had his eyes closed with victory signs pressed against both cheeks.  the shower one made him laugh out loud at the faux expression of shock on jonghyun’s face, eyes wide with all four fingers pressed to his lips.  mostly though he just grinned & did his best to put his arm around kibum.

a shuddering breath & the plop of a tear against the screen & then there were no more pictures.   

~

“what do you think happens to us when we die?”

“don’t ask questions like that.”

“usually i’d do whatever you ask kibum but i think in this instance you could just answer the question.”

“i don’t know.”

“don’t come to my grave.”

“jonghyun...”

“i’m serious.  don’t do it.  go somewhere else.  anywhere else.”

“if i were going to go somewhere to remember you i’d go to a dark room that’s five degrees too cold.”

“don’t do that.  you’d hate that & i want you to be happy.  i want you to be as happy when you think of me as you are when you take all those pictures of yourself with your phone.”

“that’s what i’ll do then.  every time i think of you i’ll take a picture of me.”

“make sure you get good ones.  have taemin take your picture sometimes.  or minho.  don’t trust jinki with your phone.”

“but i should trust taemin?”

“maybe not.  just take lots of pictures.”

“i will.  every day.  only now i’ll take dozens more.  then i won’t ever have to miss you.”

 


End file.
